I love your raw honesty. Very different, but I have a behaviorally challenged special needs dog who I often wish I didn't have. I think about how much easier life would be without her and I long to have those days back. I have come to love and accept her, but I still have my days. I've written very honestly about this too (she has become my muse) - I agree that we need to get the words out. You sound like an amazing mom, as am I to my dog, and having these inner thoughts are completely normal. I just love how brave you are to put your most inner thoughts out there - I am sure a lot of parents feel this to some degree but are stuck in shame - you are giving others in the same boat a gift to know its not tabboo to talk about Sending love.